piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
