Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
