I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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