Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
