I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
