we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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