normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
