so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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