oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
