She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize