i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
