I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
