i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I touched a dick in church today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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