i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
