Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
