explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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