he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
