I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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