Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
