if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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