When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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