i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
