i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize