sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
