And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
