It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He felt like a one man threesome
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
