I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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