I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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