the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
