Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
