and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
