One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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