So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
