I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
