I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
