Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
