The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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