how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
