I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
