Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
