I smell stomach acid.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
