she was so not down for the gang bang
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
