I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
