you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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