i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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