I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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