She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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