Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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