I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
