I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
