We're like a lot better than the average bears
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
