I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
