Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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