i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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