I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize