this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
