Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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