was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
