THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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