worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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