shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
