it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
