Screwed.edu
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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