He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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