Don't you send me to vm
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
