You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
