my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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