tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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