Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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