JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
